Sunday Blues...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Janene's Sponge technique challenge at Splitcoast Stampers
Stamp: Unity Stamp Co, Bling: Petaloo, Ribbon: American Crafts

It's a funny feeling of regret that comes every Sunday afternoon. I know tomorrow is the start of a new week and also so many possibilities but I can't help getting this feeling on Sundays. Maybe it's because Mat will begin yet another stressful week at work at his job and not be home with me all day. Or Maybe it's because I'll kiss my son goodbye and watch him ride off to school on his bike from our garage and then I am really alone. I really think I get the blues on Sunday because on the weekends I am surrounded by my family and their love and when Monday morning comes it's just me and the babies after all the Monday morning hustle and bustle. Maybe that's why I threw myself into my scrap booking after making the decision to stay home with my daughter and be here for my son everyday. I thought it would be so great, no more angry customers at the bank yelling at me and no more hour long drives downtown in bumper to bumper traffic to my office. I had no idea how lonely I would really be. Now it sounds absolutely absurd to say that because I am not alone. I have the babies to watch after all day but I am alone.
It's a strange transition from working mom to well at home working mom. Mine has been full of joy being here to see my daughter's milestones and enjoying those little moments I missed with Scott but it's also been a sorrow because over the months I've really lost my identity. I've lost the will to curl my hair and wear makeup. I've lost the excitement of getting dressed everyday and I've completely lost my figure. This is the hardest thing for me to admit. I'm am completely not my former self.

Now believe me when I say that I LOVE the mother I have grown into thru this experience but I don't recognize the woman I am now when I look in the mirror.

This morning I went to take off my wedding ring and I could not get it off my finger. It was a little loose when my husband placed it on my finger and said "I do" it was a wake up call for me although in recent weeks I've had MANY.

So this is my way of laying it all out here. Sorry for a non crafty post but today is a good day because I am looking at my life very clearly and owning up to it.

Now I just need to find the courage to change it.


Anonymous said...

Oh girl... I TOTALLY understand! You & me both... I wish you lived right down the street so we could do this together :)

nerllybird said...

Shemaine, that's so familiar! Once you start being at home for every meal, you start eating them all! And once you put on a bit of weight you can't be bothered to make a thing of what you're wearing cos nothing fits any more! Trust me, I've been there a few times and the only way is to move around a lot more. Otherwise there's too much time and salad just doesn't fill it. Do you have mother and toddler groups over there? Or tumble tots? If you have somewhere like that to go each morning, it's almost as motivating as going to work. Actually it's better cos you get to drink more coffee.

Hope you get it sorted out, believe me when you finally go back to work you'll wish you didn't have to! xxx

Jessica said...

I can totally relate to this post...this has been the story of my life for the last 7 years..seriously. It takes courage and will power...I had the courage it just took me this long to find the will power and energy to get going every morning. It is a process!

Peggy said...

Hi Shemaine, thank you so much for visiting my blog and taking the time to leave a comment, I so appreciate it.

I couldn't leave without saying some encouraging words though ... I've been struggling with the fact that I've become a SAHM for years. In fact, in one of my last blog posts I posted a LO (My Destiny) with a huge journaling block talking about just that.

It has taking me years to come to terms with it, and just this last year I have begun to spend a little more time on me, on both my emotional needs and my physical appearance. It's so easy to let yourself go when there's no one around to notice ... It has taking me 9 years to figure all of it out, so don't despair. You'll find some sort of balance sooner or later.
xxx Peggy

Kristi B. said...

OMG took the words right out of my mouth!
I hope you are having a happy Monday today. :)

site design by designer blogs