Sunday, April 19, 2009
Janene's Sponge technique challenge at Splitcoast Stampers
Stamp: Unity Stamp Co, Bling: Petaloo, Ribbon: American Crafts
It's a funny feeling of regret that comes every Sunday afternoon. I know tomorrow is the start of a new week and also so many possibilities but I can't help getting this feeling on Sundays. Maybe it's because Mat will begin yet another stressful week at work at his job and not be home with me all day. Or Maybe it's because I'll kiss my son goodbye and watch him ride off to school on his bike from our garage and then I am really alone. I really think I get the blues on Sunday because on the weekends I am surrounded by my family and their love and when Monday morning comes it's just me and the babies after all the Monday morning hustle and bustle. Maybe that's why I threw myself into my scrap booking after making the decision to stay home with my daughter and be here for my son everyday. I thought it would be so great, no more angry customers at the bank yelling at me and no more hour long drives downtown in bumper to bumper traffic to my office. I had no idea how lonely I would really be. Now it sounds absolutely absurd to say that because I am not alone. I have the babies to watch after all day but I am alone.
It's a strange transition from working mom to well at home working mom. Mine has been full of joy being here to see my daughter's milestones and enjoying those little moments I missed with Scott but it's also been a sorrow because over the months I've really lost my identity. I've lost the will to curl my hair and wear makeup. I've lost the excitement of getting dressed everyday and I've completely lost my figure. This is the hardest thing for me to admit. I'm am completely not my former self.
Now believe me when I say that I LOVE the mother I have grown into thru this experience but I don't recognize the woman I am now when I look in the mirror.
This morning I went to take off my wedding ring and I could not get it off my finger. It was a little loose when my husband placed it on my finger and said "I do" it was a wake up call for me although in recent weeks I've had MANY.
So this is my way of laying it all out here. Sorry for a non crafty post but today is a good day because I am looking at my life very clearly and owning up to it.
Now I just need to find the courage to change it.