I never knew this was inside of me...

Creativity, and it speaks thru me in the colors, techniques and patterns I choose for my scrapbook pages. I never knew that this was inside of me until I found the love and support I have from my husband. I remember saying to my mother when I was 5 "mom, what am I good at?" She answered, "lots of things" and rushed out the door to work. I remember thinking to myself after she'd gone, she just said that because she was in a hurry I don't think I am good at anything. I always remember wanting to fit in and being awkward around the other girls who were wearing pretty dresses and bows in their hair. I wore jeans and they were always short because I had long legs and a t-shirts,scuffed up tennis shoes and my hair was messy. In high school I took art and pottery classes as my electives and my projects were OK, but I always worried like when I finished my chores at home that I'd done something wrong and it wouldn't be good enough. I stopped doing anything artistic at all.

It was only after I had Scott that I began to open myself up again to try things that were outside of my comfort level. I stuck to playing tennis with friends, and going out dancing alot because I knew I was good at those things and felt confident when I did them.

But only in the last 3 years have I really felt like I could express what I was feeling when I looked at embellishments in stores and papers on the rack. I would be at work and during the day I sat thinking of pictures I'd recently taken and how I could arrange them with certain card stocks I had in my stash. As I sat there arranging and creating layouts in my head, I could not wait to get home and put them together.

Now when I finish my layouts I still have that feeling inside that maybe it's not good enough or I didn't get it just right, but then my husband comes down the hall, looks at my work, smiles and says "it looks great baby" and I feel ..."finally am good at something".